People have asked why I share my experiences with others. I do it so you won’t experience some of the mistakes (lessons learned) I have. Let me be clear- not all of my experiences have been “lessons”. My positive experiences far outweigh the negative ones. I choose to share my lessons to make this road a little easier for someone else. What I do doesn’t seem like work because I love it so much. My journey continues to be amazing. 😊 
-Dr. Kimberly Sellars-Bates

A colleague was with me last week, and, in the middle of our conversation, my cellphone rang. It was from someone who had gotten my number from someone else. She asked if I had ten minutes to let her “pick my brain.” 

My response? “No, I do not, but you can schedule a consultation.” My colleague was shocked. She couldn’t believe my response.  Not coming from me. You see, I was born with what can be considered both a strength and a weakness. I am very nice, almost to a fault. Because of this trait, more often than not, I have put other people’s priorities ahead of my own. 
I founded KSTB in 2007 to research, write, and submit grants in order for my clients to achieve their missions and provide programs and support. That can’t be accomplished if I allow other people to be in charge of my time.  

Managing time is important in all aspects of life but perhaps even more so when you have your own business. In order to ensure the success and sustainability of my company, I had to make an intentional change. I took charge.  My time is valuable and could nor should be wasted.
Whenever I find myself wavering, I take a moment to read a 54-word poem by Dr. Benjamin E. Mays. It is in a sheet protector in my office, and I refer to it more often than not. Dr. Mays was a pioneering civil rights leader and the president of Morehouse College during the time Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was there. Dr. Mays is cited as one of his great influences gave the eulogy at Dr. King’s funeral.

When you are in business for yourself, time is money. If we do not work, we do not get paid. If you do not put a value on your time, no one else will. 
Let me be clear; I love what I do. I also love to talk about what I do, how I started, etc. If you are a consultant or business owner that operates in the black, you will receive steady calls, emails, and text messages from people asking to “pick your brain.” The requests may be flattering, but eventually they become a nuisance if you are not getting paid.

You may be like me; I have always had problems saying no. I always felt like I was being rude or that the person would think I was rejecting them. In the past, I have allowed people to call or go to lunch with me and take up hours of my time quizzing me on the specific steps I took to get started, how I get clients, how much I charge, etc.  In addition to answering their questions, I always felt compelled to pay for lunch because after all, they wanted to meet me, and it just seemed like the right thing to do. 

Finally, something happened that caused me to make a deliberate and immediate change. 

A couple of years ago a man interested in becoming a consultant asked me to lunch. He wanted to “pick my brain.” Two weeks later, he attended my sold-out seminar. He raised his hand as if he had a question. I allowed him to talk, and would you believe he started talking about his grant writing services and passed out his business cards? The NERVE! One of my employees stepped in (Thank God!), but not before the man proudly said that he admired me but wanted to be BIGGER than KSTB. He even continued to pass out his cards once he went outside to the parking lot. 

Although his antics that day greatly disappointed me, I learned a valuable lesson. I realized the extent of what some people will do to get ahead in business. I gained an insight and strength that day that I continue to carry with me. 

Now when people contact me, I no longer allow them to pick my brain. If you want to discuss services, I charge a fair but firm consultation fee. You see, by setting boundaries and consultation rates, you set the expectation that your time is to be respected. Sometimes a typical response is, “Oh no! I can’t afford to pay just to talk to you. I only want to find out how you got to where you are.” In that instance I steer them to my website, blogs or invite them to follow me on social media. My blog posts are free.  

Occasionally, I will host an “Evening with Kim” where, in a group setting, we can chat for one hour. There’s usually no fee, except the cost of your own food. You can visit my website or follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook to see when the next one is. 

I WANT TO BE YOUR PARTNER

In business, be very careful about allowing people to partner with you. It does not matter who refers them. I have gotten calls from people begging me to let their cousin, friend, spouse, etc. partner with me to host a seminar. “They know everybody and will do a great job! Trust me!” 

The reality is, we all need help sometimes, especially when just starting out. I have an innate desire to help others and have allowed people to partner with me only to find out that they have no experience or connections. I ended up doing all the work including finding the venue, marketing, and providing materials. Of course, the “partner” was willing to collect the fee for registrations at the door and pass out packets. They ended up looking like they played a key role in the seminar and even got a percentage of what was earned.

When partnering with others do your due diligence. Make sure the “partner” has adequate skills to complete the project. Find out who their connections are. Get references and samples of their work. Don’t ask yes or no questions. Make sure questions are open-ended and pertain to your area of expertise. If not, you may end up scrambling to ensure that a quality project is submitted. In my case, I ended up paying my staff overtime to get a grant submitted on time. 

For those of you starting out, you may not have a full-time staff yet. There are several options for you to explore. Look at past colleagues to work with you if you need assistance. Contact colleges and universities to search for interns. A couple of my full-time employees started out as interns. 

Please understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong with mentoring. I speak often to groups, host free webinars, etc. I hire youth and adult interns for specific projects. I pay them a stipend and they get both on the job training and full access to me. However, time is a valuable resource, and I don’t want, nor can I afford, to waste it on someone who isn’t serious or who is just looking for short cuts.  Maybe next time I’ll tell you about a person who interviewed to be my assistant because she wanted to use my connections to be on a reality show.

Remember, if people want to pick your brain, ask them to choose a time and method of payment.